The Flying Machine

Part One

One day the king announced a competition to build a flying machine.  Anyone in the kingdom could participate and had six months to build their machines which were to be brought to the main event at the fortress.  The winner would receive one hundred gold coins.  While most villagers and farmers had neither the interest, time, nor confidence of faculty to even attempt such an undertaking, two farmers on the outskirts of the village did.  Farmer Leonardo was a grape farmer who lived alone in his cottage surrounded by vineyards.  His neighbor was the pig farmer Robert who lived on his piggery with hundreds of pigs.  The two men had different ways of life and thinking, and over time developed a sense of contempt for each other’s lifestyles and business practices.  Pig farmer Robert thought Leonardo was an arrogant, fastidious Roman who outsourced most of his field work to peasants so he could spend more time reading and gardening (which was true), and had too many potted flowers outside his house.  Leonardo thought his neighbor was an uncivilized, unwashed, ignorant redneck who ran a disorganized pig farm, drank to excess, and was deeply insecure (for he hated to be called ‘Bob’) – all allegations that Robert himself could hardly deny.
Robert had learned of the competition when he had walked to the village to sell pigs.  On his way back to his farm his mind was full of wild ideas of potential flying machines that he could build in order to win the prize.  “How hard could it be?” he asked himself.  Prior to that day he had never even considered the concept of a machine that could fly, but he realized it could be a very useful invention.  “Hell, I’d build one even without the prize money!” he thought to himself, although his true motivation was the gold.  Pushing his cart that contained a cage of pigs that he was unable to sell, Robert hurried home and passed Leonardo’s farm.  When Robert saw that Leonardo was working in his garden he told himself to keep his mouth shut about the competition, but in his excitement he spilled the beans.  Robert figured that Leonardo would find out about the event eventually, but also concluded that it didn’t matter since he was sure he was going to win anyway.
“Leonardo!”
“Yes?”
“Guess what?”
“What?”
“There’s a competition in the kingdom, and I’m going to win.”
“Oh?”
“Yes, you have to build a flying machine, and the winner gets a hundred gold coins!”
“Really?” said Leonardo.
Realizing he had said too much, Robert moved forth pushing the cart with the pigs back to his farm.  Leonardo returned to his gardening and thought about the serendipity of such a competition being announced when the flying machine he had been secretly building behind his house for the past year was near completion.  That evening, Leonardo could hear Robert hollering and banging away on his farm, trying to build God knows what.  As usual, the pigs were squealing, and when Leonardo walked outside that night and looked towards the piggery he saw that Robert had forgotten to release the pigs in the cages on the cart from earlier that day.

Part Two

Over the next six months both farmers avoided one another.  Leonardo had put the finishing touches on his flying machine, which was constructed out of light wood and cowhide.  It had two large wings that could be controlled with levers, and three wheels at the base connected to bronze gears that could be propelled and turned with pedals. Leonardo had designed his machine so that when sent downhill and with enough speed, the drag would lift the machine upward and hopefully send it sailing through the sky.  There was a tall hill on his vineyard, and three days before the competition Robert looked up from his piggery to see Leonardo hauling his light aircraft up the hill.  Robert stopped what he was doing and watched as Leonardo pulled his machine to the top of the hill, sat down in the seat, and pushed it forward.  The machine rolled downhill gaining velocity, and halfway down it began to lift up off the side of the hill and fly.  Robert could hear Leonardo cheering from the sky several hundred feet away as he gently maneuvered his little aircraft over the vineyards.  Robert was dumbfounded as he stared at Leonardo in his flying machine, flying in the sky like a giant bird.  Leonardo flew over his vineyards and over his cottage and garden.  He then steered toward Robert’s piggery.  He flew directly over Robert and waved, “How’s it going, Bob!?”  Robert couldn’t believe his eyes.  He had forgotten all about the competition.  
After Leonardo had flown out of view Robert rushed to his shed where he had left the project he had begun six months ago.  It was a shell of a project: two long wooden beams strapped together and connected by a large hinge. Smaller wooden rods were nailed to the main beams and to these Robert had intended to stitch a leather canvas, thus creating a set of wings that he could harness to his back and flap like the wings a bird.  It wasn’t a necessarily bad idea, but it was incomplete and untested.  Over the next two days Robert worked furiously to complete his work, and by the end of the second day he had created something resembling a finished product.  The competition was the next day and Robert dragged his contraption out of his shed.  The pigs gathered around him as he strapped the giant wings to his back, grabbed the handles that he had attached to each wing, and being to flap.  He flapped and flapped and flapped to no avail.  The pigs squealed and ran away from him as he flapped and leapt around in circles with the hopes of gaining some momentum and lifting off.  Although sturdy, his invention did not help him get any further off the ground than he would have without it.  After five minutes he had exhausted himself.  With the contraption still strapped to his back, Robert collapsed in the pigsty and wept.
He could not sleep that night.  Tomorrow was the main event of the competition, and when he closed his eyes all he saw was Leonardo in his flying machine, flying over him and calling him ‘Bob.’  Robert got out of bed, walked to his shed, and grabbed a mallet.  Under the cover of night Robert made his way to Leonardo’s farm.  He went over the fence, crossed through the garden, and quietly snuck around back where the flying machine was parked.  He assessed his surroundings to make sure the coast was clear and that there were no candles burning in Leonardo’s house. Mallet in hand, Robert stepped toward the flying machine with such fixation that he failed to notice the flower pot directly in front of him.  Robert kicked the flower pot which toppled over and broke.  The noise woke Leonardo, who immediately ran out back.  “Who goes there?” he cried.  Robert leapt from the shadows and struck Leonardo in the head with the mallet with such force that Leonardo collapsed to the ground unconsciously. Robert stood above Leonardo’s body and stared at the flying machine. 

Part Three 

The next day was the day of the competition.  Having dumped Leonardo’s body in the piggery, Robert pushed the flying machine out to the dirt road and hauled it to the village.  There, hundreds of villagers had gathered for the main event outside the fortress.  Robert pulled the aircraft up the hill toward the fortress and crowd.  He was surprised to see that there did not appear to be many other competitors with flying machines.  As a matter of fact, there was only one other competitor – a man with a giant balloon beneath which he kept a steady fire to fill it with hot air.  Protected by guards and seated next to the prize money, the king waited for Robert to arrive with his machine before announcing the start of the competition.
“Ladies and gentleman,” said the king, “In the chest before me are one hundred gold coins.  These coins belong to the man who can prove by means of demonstration that they have invented a machine capable of bestowing them with the power of flight.  Who among you would like to go first?”
Robert was still catching his breath from walking up the hill with the aircraft.  He looked to the man with the balloon and said, “By all means, please, go ahead.”  The man added some more sticks to fire under the balloon and then sat down in a bread basket that he had attached to the balloon with rope.  The balloon had grown larger, as though wanting to rise, but was being held down by another rope which the man then cut with a knife.  The rope fell away and the balloon, now free, expanded and lifted up into the air.  The balloon jerked upwards and moved sideways as it struggled to lift the weight of the man riding in the basket, which was being yanked and dragged through the dirt.  A draft of wind caught the balloon and lifted it high off the ground, taking the man in the basket with it.  “Here I go!” said the man, “I’m flying!”
Indeed, the man and his balloon floated higher and higher.  On the ground the villagers cheered, and even the archers on the ramparts applauded as the balloon rose above the fortress.  The balloon traveled higher, where it caught larger drafts of wind and drifted farther afield.  The king and others on the ground watched as the man floated over the edge of the village.  “I’ll be back!” said the man, “I’ll be back for my money!”  They could barely see the man anymore and watched the balloon grow smaller as it floated over the forests toward the mountains.  It soon disappeared from view.
“Well,” said the king, “Supposing he comes back, that man is entitled to one hundred gold coins. Until then, let us meet our next competitor. This looks like a promising device.”  The villagers turned to Robert and the flying machine.
“Indeed,” said Robert.  “And I assure you it flies.”
The king said, “Are you going to show us, or just assure us?”
The crowd laughed and so did Robert, nervously.
“Of course I’ll show you,” said Robert.  “After all, it’s my machine, isn’t it?”
The king and the villagers watched as Robert pushed the machine to the edge of the hill.  Robert sat inside the machine for the first time.  He had never actually taken a close look at Leonardo’s invention and only now realized how complex it was with the levers and pedals and gears. “Good Lord,” he said to himself.  He looked back to the villagers and king who were all watching him and waiting.  Robert pushed the machine forward and it began to roll downhill.  As it picked up speed and shook rolling on the bumpy terrain, Robert began to cry and for he was certain that he was going to die.  He cursed Leonardo for constructing such a worthless invention as he careened downhill in what felt like a freefall, then instinctively pulled the lever in front of him. Miraculously, the entire machine lifted off the ground and began to glide.  He was astonished at this change in physics and fortune.  He wiped away his tears and tried to get a grip of the situation.  He realized the lever must control the wings and altitude, so he tested the pedals and to his amazement he was able to maneuver the plane left and right.  Except when he pressed the left pedal the machine would glide right, and vice versa.  The confusing pedals had distracted Robert from focusing on where he was going, and when he looked up and saw that he was heading directly into the fortress wall he screamed in horror.  The flying machine crashed into the fortress and smashed into pieces which, along with Robert, fell to the ground.  The crowd gasped and ran toward the crash.
Incredibly, Robert had survived without breaking any bones.  When he stood up he was surrounded by the broken fragments of the flying machine and the crowd of villagers.  He was dizzy and bleeding, and stumbled forth murmuring incoherently.  He walked through the crowd and made his way to the king.
“Well sir, as you can see my machine worked quite well, so I’ll be taking my prize money now.”
“Not so fast,” said the King, “Your device failed.”
“I beg your pardon,” said Robert, “Did you not see me fly?”
“I’m not sure if I would call that flying,” said the king. “You crashed a minute after takeoff.”
“Yes, but I was flying!” pleaded Robert.
“Flying, or falling?” said the king.
The crowd erupted into laughter.
Enraged, Robert said, “Give me my money!”  
He then rushed toward the chest but the king’s guards stepped in front of him.  Robert stumbled back and glared at the king.  He sprinted around the guards and toward the king and jumped, snatching the king’s crown from off his head.  
“You imbecile!” cried the king.
Having realized the gravity of his actions, Robert ran.
“Seize him!” ordered the king.
The king’s guards chased after Robert, who was running home. 

Part Four

When Robert reached his farm on the outskirts of the village he looked back up the road and saw the guards following in the distance.  Robert opened the gate to his piggery and sat down to catch his breath.  He inspected the crown in his hands and soon his pigs gathered around him.  He then had a crazy idea and stood up and walked into his shed.  He came out with the flying device that he had built.  Needing the use of both hands and arms to strap it on, Robert placed the king’s crown on his head and then strapped on his flying device.  He left the piggery and entered Leonardo’s property.  He then jogged up the tall hill.
The guards could see Robert going up the hill and ran after him.  At the top of the hill, Robert looked down at the guards.  He looked around at the vineyards and farms and gazed down at his piggery.  He had never seen it from such heights before, and even though it wasn’t as pretty as the neighboring landscape, he realized he loved it.  He then spread his arms so as to stretch out the wings of his device, and he ran downhill flapping.  The guards stopped and watched, for they didn’t expect that Robert would be running toward them wearing a flying device with giant wings.  Robert sailed downhill and flapped, and just like a bird he lifted off and began to fly.  He flew over the guards and he watched their jaws drop as they saw him flying while wearing the crown of the king.
In the sky, Robert proudly flapped his wings and gained altitude.  He then oriented himself toward the village and glided toward the fortress.  The king and many of the villagers were still gathered on the hill, and they could not believe their eyes when they realized that it was Robert and not some other contestant that was flying toward them.  Robert swooped above them and laughed.  “I’m flying,” he said, “I’m flying, you bastards!”
“Get down here!” yelled the king.
“I’m the king now, and that’s my treasure!” yelled Robert as he flew above the ramparts of the fortress.
“I order you to come down immediately!” demanded the king.
“Never!” declared Robert, who flapped his wings and hovered above the king and crowd.
“Shoot him!” yelled the king.
The archers on the ramparts drew their bows and arrows and fired.  They reloaded and fired again.  The arrows pierced through Robert’s wings and body and blood fell from the sky.  Stunned and mortally wounded, Robert and his flying device plunged to earth.  Robert slammed into the ground and the crown rolled off his head.  He looked to the sky as he lay there dying.  He saw the white clouds drifting by, and he smiled because in his delusional death he saw pigs flying across the sky. 

The End

Landscape with the Fall of Icarus, Pieter Bruegel the Elder